You might want to sit down for this one ...
Saturday, December 31, 2011
No. 55
After my run this morning, I got back to the house and Adam greeted me at the door with one of those kinds of wicked giggles that makes it oh-so clear that he's up to something. He handed me a piece of paper that he'd been holding behind his back.
You might want to sit down for this one ...
Yeah ... so ... it's a good thing that he considers me a "super daddy." Past that, I'm pretty much at a loss for words!
You might want to sit down for this one ...
Monday, November 28, 2011
No. 54
Let it be here and forevermore known that I might just very well be the greatest father in the world. You ask why? Fine. Here's Exhibit A, my friends.
The boys didn't want to go to bed Friday night, so I made them a deal. As long as they watched "The Andy Griffith Show," they could stay up as late as they wanted. At first, my bright idea went over like a lead balloon. Words can't fully describe their horrified reactions, and when I announced that the shows were in black and white, it really hit the fan.
Still, the deal was on the table. Andy Griffith or bed.
For a little perspective, most of you know that I truly do love TAGS. After Jeanie and I were married, I made it my mission in life to tape every episode. I had it down to a science. I'd check the TV listings a week in advance and set the VCR accordingly. It took more than two years to track down each show, and to this day I can remember the show that completed my set -- it was the one where Opie was conned into selling the miracle salve.
When the DVDs came out in season sets, I bought them -- and when the complete series came out in a mega-collection, I got it, too. I've made the pilgrimmage to the Andy Griffith Museum in nearby Mt. Airy, where I met Betty Lynn, the actress who played Barney's love, Thelma Lou. She's the cats.
I won't even go into the summer I taught Sunday School lessons centered around various episodes of the show, or how I've offered to trade almost anything up to and including my children for a radio once owned by Frances "Aunt Bea" Bavier. So far, no dice.
So, yeah, I kind of like "The Andy Griffith Show."
Still fussing, Adam loaded the DVD. Any show that centers around Barney is pure gold, so I started off with the one where he joins the choir. Within minutes, Adam and Jesse both were laughing and giggling like it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen on television. Come to think of it, it probably was.
The show ended, and I asked if they wanted to watch another one. They couldn't wait, and I knew, right then and there, that I had 'em hooked. Best of all, when they finally did go to bed Friday night, Adam had one last parting request.
"Can we watch more Andy Griffith tomorrow?"
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ...
The boys didn't want to go to bed Friday night, so I made them a deal. As long as they watched "The Andy Griffith Show," they could stay up as late as they wanted. At first, my bright idea went over like a lead balloon. Words can't fully describe their horrified reactions, and when I announced that the shows were in black and white, it really hit the fan.
Still, the deal was on the table. Andy Griffith or bed.
For a little perspective, most of you know that I truly do love TAGS. After Jeanie and I were married, I made it my mission in life to tape every episode. I had it down to a science. I'd check the TV listings a week in advance and set the VCR accordingly. It took more than two years to track down each show, and to this day I can remember the show that completed my set -- it was the one where Opie was conned into selling the miracle salve.
When the DVDs came out in season sets, I bought them -- and when the complete series came out in a mega-collection, I got it, too. I've made the pilgrimmage to the Andy Griffith Museum in nearby Mt. Airy, where I met Betty Lynn, the actress who played Barney's love, Thelma Lou. She's the cats.
I won't even go into the summer I taught Sunday School lessons centered around various episodes of the show, or how I've offered to trade almost anything up to and including my children for a radio once owned by Frances "Aunt Bea" Bavier. So far, no dice.
So, yeah, I kind of like "The Andy Griffith Show."
Still fussing, Adam loaded the DVD. Any show that centers around Barney is pure gold, so I started off with the one where he joins the choir. Within minutes, Adam and Jesse both were laughing and giggling like it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen on television. Come to think of it, it probably was.
The show ended, and I asked if they wanted to watch another one. They couldn't wait, and I knew, right then and there, that I had 'em hooked. Best of all, when they finally did go to bed Friday night, Adam had one last parting request.
"Can we watch more Andy Griffith tomorrow?"
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ...
Monday, November 14, 2011
No. 53
He wrote a letter from the viewpoint of a child who had gone through Hurricane Katrina, and the details he used impressed the judges. Just imagine ... someone, somewhere within Scholastic, publishers of Harry Potter in the United States, has heard of my son! I wonder if he could possibly put in a good word for me?
Believe it or not, when Jeanie texted me to absolutely, positively head to school to have lunch with the boys -- Adam had something REALLY big to tell me -- I was working on putting together some writing contest entries of my own. Hopefully, some of Adam's winning mojo will rub off on his old man.
That's not all. Jesse has started a newspaper for his class. Other kids in Mrs. West's room submit stories, and he has placed himself in charge of laying it all out. When he has a "good" day, Jesse gets to work on the paper.
How about that?
Friday, October 28, 2011
No. 52
After very nearly forgetting my Friday lunch with the boys at school last week, Adam left me this reminder over my computer monitor this morning:
Adam and Jesse are 10 and in the fifth grade. There's coming a time, sooner rather than later I'm afraid, when having dear ol' Dad show up at school for lunch won't be the cool thing to do any more. So while I'm still welcome, I'm still there!
Adam and Jesse are 10 and in the fifth grade. There's coming a time, sooner rather than later I'm afraid, when having dear ol' Dad show up at school for lunch won't be the cool thing to do any more. So while I'm still welcome, I'm still there!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
No. 51
To this day, I can close my eyes and see Adam and Jesse coming across the driveway at Nanny and Papaw's house. This happened a good two or three years ago, but the memory is still fresh. I hope it never fades.
For my sons, there's no place on Earth like their grandparent's house. There, they can do no wrong. Jeanie's parents love them and ... well ... pamper them, and Adam and Jesse love them right back. When Jeanie and I have to leave them at Jean and Tom's, the boys are pumped.
When they were just three or four, they both pitched fits when we got there. Getting them out the door and into the car was a battle, from start to finish. As I was strapping them into their car seats, I asked in frustration if they wanted to just move in Nanny and Papaw. Jesse very politely undid his harness and came up out of that seat like a bullet.
He hadn't known THAT was an option.
However long ago it was, I again pulled into the driveway to pick them up. When I did, I saw Adam come running across the yard, hollering for me to stop. I put my SUV in park, and he told me to close my eyes and to not open them until they were ready. I heard some sort of commotion, but I'd promised. I kept my eyes shut.
"OK, Daddy ... open 'em up!!!"
I choke up even typing the words, but I looked and here came Adam and Jesse dragging an eight-foot cross that Papaw had helped them nailed together. They were so young at the time, they struggled under the weight of it.
My God ...
What crosses will they have to bear in the future? Dear God, please, if anybody in my family has to get sick, please let it be me. When they do walk through the valley, will I be around and able to help pick them up? There was a time in my life when I was completely and utterly alone in this world, and that will not happen to Adam or Jesse or Richard as long as I'm alive and they'll allow me to be there for them.
That old rugged cross is just outside the window of my office, leaning against the house. I look at it often, just as a reminder ...
For my sons, there's no place on Earth like their grandparent's house. There, they can do no wrong. Jeanie's parents love them and ... well ... pamper them, and Adam and Jesse love them right back. When Jeanie and I have to leave them at Jean and Tom's, the boys are pumped.
When they were just three or four, they both pitched fits when we got there. Getting them out the door and into the car was a battle, from start to finish. As I was strapping them into their car seats, I asked in frustration if they wanted to just move in Nanny and Papaw. Jesse very politely undid his harness and came up out of that seat like a bullet.
He hadn't known THAT was an option.
However long ago it was, I again pulled into the driveway to pick them up. When I did, I saw Adam come running across the yard, hollering for me to stop. I put my SUV in park, and he told me to close my eyes and to not open them until they were ready. I heard some sort of commotion, but I'd promised. I kept my eyes shut.
"OK, Daddy ... open 'em up!!!"
I choke up even typing the words, but I looked and here came Adam and Jesse dragging an eight-foot cross that Papaw had helped them nailed together. They were so young at the time, they struggled under the weight of it.
My God ...
What crosses will they have to bear in the future? Dear God, please, if anybody in my family has to get sick, please let it be me. When they do walk through the valley, will I be around and able to help pick them up? There was a time in my life when I was completely and utterly alone in this world, and that will not happen to Adam or Jesse or Richard as long as I'm alive and they'll allow me to be there for them.
That old rugged cross is just outside the window of my office, leaning against the house. I look at it often, just as a reminder ...
Thursday, September 15, 2011
No. 50
This is the very essence of what it means to be the dad of a child with Asperger's.
Last week, I got a call from Jesse's teacher. No matter what she tried, he would not -- could not? -- complete his work. He wasn't being ugly. He just could not get going on what he needed to be doing. I went to school and wound up spending the rest of that day and two more observing and trying to prod him along.
Jesse, unpack your bag.
Jesse, get out your science book.
Jesse, work on your math journal.
Jesse ...
Jesse ...
Jesse ...
Once he did finally finish, his assignments were almost always perfect. He's got the best handwriting in the world ... not for a kid his age. In the world. Math word problems I would've taken hours to figure out, he was doing in his head in a matter of seconds. My time at school left me and Jeanie scratching our heads, trying to figure out the best course of action.
There's not a medication available that will make Jesse like other kids, and that's not our goal. Jesse was meant to be the way Jesse is, but we very deeply want to make the things that are difficult for him just a little bit easier. When that happens, watch out.
Tuesday night, Jesse had his weekly piano lesson and when it was over, his teacher had given him a book of Tziak ... Tchiacho ... Shakov ... Tskav ... Tchaikovsky compositions to practice -- yes, I had to look it up. At this very moment, as I type these words, Jesse is on the piano, playing the intro to the "Nutcracker March" in each of the different sound settings his has on his keyboard.
Thumbing through the book on the way home, he talked about the other books his piano teacher has -- stuff from Beethoven and Mozart. He couldn't wait to get his hands on them.
That's my Jesse.
Last week, I got a call from Jesse's teacher. No matter what she tried, he would not -- could not? -- complete his work. He wasn't being ugly. He just could not get going on what he needed to be doing. I went to school and wound up spending the rest of that day and two more observing and trying to prod him along.
Jesse, unpack your bag.
Jesse, get out your science book.
Jesse, work on your math journal.
Jesse ...
Jesse ...
Jesse ...
Once he did finally finish, his assignments were almost always perfect. He's got the best handwriting in the world ... not for a kid his age. In the world. Math word problems I would've taken hours to figure out, he was doing in his head in a matter of seconds. My time at school left me and Jeanie scratching our heads, trying to figure out the best course of action.
There's not a medication available that will make Jesse like other kids, and that's not our goal. Jesse was meant to be the way Jesse is, but we very deeply want to make the things that are difficult for him just a little bit easier. When that happens, watch out.
Tuesday night, Jesse had his weekly piano lesson and when it was over, his teacher had given him a book of Tziak ... Tchiacho ... Shakov ... Tskav ... Tchaikovsky compositions to practice -- yes, I had to look it up. At this very moment, as I type these words, Jesse is on the piano, playing the intro to the "Nutcracker March" in each of the different sound settings his has on his keyboard.
Thumbing through the book on the way home, he talked about the other books his piano teacher has -- stuff from Beethoven and Mozart. He couldn't wait to get his hands on them.
That's my Jesse.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
No. 49
When I was a kid, Sept. 11 was one of the two most important days of the year. Christmas was when Santa Claus showed up, but Sept. 11 was my birthday and my mom always made sure that it was special. To this day, I can remember the G.I. Joe, G.I. Joe car and G.I. headquarters that I got when I turned five.
As I grew older, I still looked forward to the day. I've always been a big kid, and to be honest, I would really kind of like to stay that way. Kids don't have any worries.
Then came 2001.
The date is still the anniversary of my birth, but it will never be the same as it once was. I would love to have my birthday back, that same sense of wonder, that same sense of expectation. But how can I say that? How can I be so incredibly selfish over a birthday, when thousands of others lost so much more than I did that day?
This being the tenth anniverary of the attacks, coverage of that day has been virtually wall to wall for a few days now. Today, I've been nothing short of depressed. I wanted to maybe clear my head a little bit, so I went for a walk at the park. When I got back, Jeanie handed me some note cards that Jesse had drawn for a 9/11 project he's doing at school.
One of them caught my attention like a sledge hammer between the eyes. As far as I can tell, it's his own concept, not copied from any other source.
Here it is ...
I do not mind in the least admitting that I broke down in tears. God was there that day. We might not have been able to see Him, or feel His arms wrapped around us. But make no mistake ... He was there. He was in control, and remains so today. Best of all, there will be a day when tragedies like that day will be no more.
Thank you, Jesse. Once again, you've given your dad a lift just when he needed it the most.
As I grew older, I still looked forward to the day. I've always been a big kid, and to be honest, I would really kind of like to stay that way. Kids don't have any worries.
Then came 2001.
The date is still the anniversary of my birth, but it will never be the same as it once was. I would love to have my birthday back, that same sense of wonder, that same sense of expectation. But how can I say that? How can I be so incredibly selfish over a birthday, when thousands of others lost so much more than I did that day?
This being the tenth anniverary of the attacks, coverage of that day has been virtually wall to wall for a few days now. Today, I've been nothing short of depressed. I wanted to maybe clear my head a little bit, so I went for a walk at the park. When I got back, Jeanie handed me some note cards that Jesse had drawn for a 9/11 project he's doing at school.
One of them caught my attention like a sledge hammer between the eyes. As far as I can tell, it's his own concept, not copied from any other source.
Here it is ...
Thank you, Jesse. Once again, you've given your dad a lift just when he needed it the most.
Friday, September 2, 2011
No. 48
Don't know how it happened exactly, but I've developed kind of a weird habit when the boys are in the process of getting in trouble.
Instead of saying something I'll regret and have to apologize for later, I've taken to saying, "For the love of ..." -- and here's the strange part -- I'll include the name of a baseball player from the 1970s or 80s. Thing is, the better the player, the more they know it's just a warning shot across the bow.
For the love of Pete Rose ...
For the love of Mike Schmidt ...
For the love of Tony Perez ...
For the love of Johnny Bench ...
For the love of Nolan Ryan ...
They're OK, for the time being. But if I start evoking scrubs, Adam and Jesse know for a fact that the four horses of the apocalypse are about to head through our house.
For the love of Biff Pocoroba ... Jesse, we're dead men.
For the love of Ed Armbrister ... hide. NOW!!!
Instead of saying something I'll regret and have to apologize for later, I've taken to saying, "For the love of ..." -- and here's the strange part -- I'll include the name of a baseball player from the 1970s or 80s. Thing is, the better the player, the more they know it's just a warning shot across the bow.
For the love of Pete Rose ...
For the love of Mike Schmidt ...
For the love of Tony Perez ...
For the love of Johnny Bench ...
For the love of Nolan Ryan ...
They're OK, for the time being. But if I start evoking scrubs, Adam and Jesse know for a fact that the four horses of the apocalypse are about to head through our house.
For the love of Biff Pocoroba ... Jesse, we're dead men.
For the love of Ed Armbrister ... hide. NOW!!!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
No. 47
The ground shook and the windows rattled. What could this possibly be? A truck going by, surely. Thunder? Can't be ... there's not a cloud in the sky. It couldn't be ... no. Not an earthquake, not here in Yadkinville.
Adam walked into my office, his eyes as big as saucers and very clearly scared. Most of the time, he is a ball of energy, joking and trying make folks laugh. This was not one of those times. "Dad ... what was that?!?" he asked with urgency in his voice. "Dad, are we OK?"
Yes, we were fine. There was little or no damage involved in the quake that had its epicenter in Virginia, but how do you convince a frightened child that it wasn't another Japan? He knew what happened there and he had just felt the ground move beneath his own feet. I will never forget the look on his face or the sound of his voice.
Jesse never missed a beat, kept right on playing with a buddy who was spending the afternoon at our house. Later, Jeanie asked if he'd been scared. His reply, a full day later, gets the best of me. "A little bit," he said. "But I wasn't nearly as scared as the kids in Haiti."
The perspective of a child ...
Adam walked into my office, his eyes as big as saucers and very clearly scared. Most of the time, he is a ball of energy, joking and trying make folks laugh. This was not one of those times. "Dad ... what was that?!?" he asked with urgency in his voice. "Dad, are we OK?"
Yes, we were fine. There was little or no damage involved in the quake that had its epicenter in Virginia, but how do you convince a frightened child that it wasn't another Japan? He knew what happened there and he had just felt the ground move beneath his own feet. I will never forget the look on his face or the sound of his voice.
Jesse never missed a beat, kept right on playing with a buddy who was spending the afternoon at our house. Later, Jeanie asked if he'd been scared. His reply, a full day later, gets the best of me. "A little bit," he said. "But I wasn't nearly as scared as the kids in Haiti."
The perspective of a child ...
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
No. 46
As most of you know, Jeanie was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2006 and then had it come back a couple of years later. She is now cancer-free, but has to have regular checkups to make sure things are still in check.
Yesterday was one of those appointments. The boys and I were going to go with her to the doctor's office, and before she got home from work, they were asking how long the visit was going to take. I told them I wasn't sure, but we'd stay there for as long as it took to make sure she was OK.
Because of the issues he faces, it's sometimes hard to gauge just how Jesse truly feels about things. This time, it was not.
In no uncertain terms, he declared, "If it helps keep Momma from getting cancer again, I'll stay at the doctor's office for a month."
Considering my family's history with cancer, his words rang in my ears. If it would have kept my mom and dad from going through the things that they did, then yeah ... me, too, Jesse. I would've gladly camped out at the doctor's office.
Yesterday was one of those appointments. The boys and I were going to go with her to the doctor's office, and before she got home from work, they were asking how long the visit was going to take. I told them I wasn't sure, but we'd stay there for as long as it took to make sure she was OK.
Because of the issues he faces, it's sometimes hard to gauge just how Jesse truly feels about things. This time, it was not.
In no uncertain terms, he declared, "If it helps keep Momma from getting cancer again, I'll stay at the doctor's office for a month."
Considering my family's history with cancer, his words rang in my ears. If it would have kept my mom and dad from going through the things that they did, then yeah ... me, too, Jesse. I would've gladly camped out at the doctor's office.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
No. 45
It's been one of those days.
I have no doubt whatsoever that I would gladly lay down my life for my children. But yesterday and today ... Adam and Jesse have bickered. They have aggravated one another. They've been hungry. They've been bored. They've told on each other. Never mind the fact that I'm trying to write a lengthy feature story ... as well as, oh, I don't know ... a book.
Engine rules in NASCAR are usually ... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Jesse won't turn the TV down. Jesse, turn the TV down.
Journeyman driver Carl Long was once suspended and fined for having an illegal eng ... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Adam pinched me! Pinch him back.
Restrictor plates can reduce horsepower by as much as ... Jesse!!! Jesse, answer him. Now.
And today ...
Deployment of the tethered satellite from the Shuttle's cargo bay was going well until ... Adam!!! Adam, stop it.
When the tether snapped, the danger was that ... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! What's for lunch?!? Don't know, don't care.
Rookie astronaut David A. Wolf was very proud to have been named to the crew of ... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!
School starts four weeks from today. When I drop Adam and Jesse off that morning, I'm thinking very seriously that I might slow down to about 50 mph before I boot 'em out of the car. Maybe.
My momma is up in Heaven right now, laughing her head off at me and remembering all those times she told me that she hoped my children would one day give me the kind of grief that my brother and I gave her.
Mission accomplished.
I have no doubt whatsoever that I would gladly lay down my life for my children. But yesterday and today ... Adam and Jesse have bickered. They have aggravated one another. They've been hungry. They've been bored. They've told on each other. Never mind the fact that I'm trying to write a lengthy feature story ... as well as, oh, I don't know ... a book.
Engine rules in NASCAR are usually ... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Jesse won't turn the TV down. Jesse, turn the TV down.
Journeyman driver Carl Long was once suspended and fined for having an illegal eng ... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Adam pinched me! Pinch him back.
Restrictor plates can reduce horsepower by as much as ... Jesse!!! Jesse, answer him. Now.
And today ...
Deployment of the tethered satellite from the Shuttle's cargo bay was going well until ... Adam!!! Adam, stop it.
When the tether snapped, the danger was that ... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! What's for lunch?!? Don't know, don't care.
Rookie astronaut David A. Wolf was very proud to have been named to the crew of ... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!
School starts four weeks from today. When I drop Adam and Jesse off that morning, I'm thinking very seriously that I might slow down to about 50 mph before I boot 'em out of the car. Maybe.
My momma is up in Heaven right now, laughing her head off at me and remembering all those times she told me that she hoped my children would one day give me the kind of grief that my brother and I gave her.
Mission accomplished.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
No. 44
We're getting ready for church this morning and Adam insists that he and I match -- same colored shirt, same colored dress shorts. It kinda brought a little tear to my eye, him being so insistent. I was proud that he wanted to imitate me to such an extent.
And then he had to go and open his big mouth.
"Dad, I look just like you now," he said. "I think this is gonna be my Halloween outfit."
If it's OK with you, I'm going to choose to continue believing that he wants to be me for Halloween because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and not because he considers me a scary, hideous ogre.
Then, as we're about to pull into the church parking lot, Jesse announced that he wants to get married at another church near where we lived and not the one we actually attend. Jeanie asked why.
"Because when we went to that wedding at the other church, the service was over in like five minutes," he said. "That's a lot shorter than here!"
Yeah, Jesse, ol' buddy ... that's the spirit.
And then he had to go and open his big mouth.
"Dad, I look just like you now," he said. "I think this is gonna be my Halloween outfit."
If it's OK with you, I'm going to choose to continue believing that he wants to be me for Halloween because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and not because he considers me a scary, hideous ogre.
Then, as we're about to pull into the church parking lot, Jesse announced that he wants to get married at another church near where we lived and not the one we actually attend. Jeanie asked why.
"Because when we went to that wedding at the other church, the service was over in like five minutes," he said. "That's a lot shorter than here!"
Yeah, Jesse, ol' buddy ... that's the spirit.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
No. 43
I just got off the phone with Michael Griffin, the former NASA administrator who was named one of the 100 most influential people in the world in 2008 by Time magazine. The guy has seven different degrees, in everything from electrical engineering to physics.
There I was, trying my best to ask questions that sounded a little more intelligent than, "Gee, that Space Shuttle is neat, huh?" While I'm talking to Dr. Griffin, Jesse walks through the kitchen, which is just off my "office," and declares at the top of his lungs, "I ... just ... FARTED!!!"
Lord, help me. I love that young'un.
There I was, trying my best to ask questions that sounded a little more intelligent than, "Gee, that Space Shuttle is neat, huh?" While I'm talking to Dr. Griffin, Jesse walks through the kitchen, which is just off my "office," and declares at the top of his lungs, "I ... just ... FARTED!!!"
Lord, help me. I love that young'un.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
No. 42
We're at T-minus five days and counting until the end of school for summer, but Jesse has already had his last piano lesson until it starts back up again in August.
Bless her heart, Jesse's piano teacher told him to practice pieces that he knows best during the break. So what's he know best? Jingle Bells, of course. It may be in the mid-90s outside, but it's Christmas at our house ... over ... and over ... and over ... and over ... and over ... and over again.
You know Jeff Dunham's Achmed the Dead Terrorist character, and his line, "Shut up ... I keeeeeel you?!?" Yeah, that's pretty much the conversation I'm going to have with Jesse's piano teacher the next time I see her.
Bless her heart, Jesse's piano teacher told him to practice pieces that he knows best during the break. So what's he know best? Jingle Bells, of course. It may be in the mid-90s outside, but it's Christmas at our house ... over ... and over ... and over ... and over ... and over ... and over again.
You know Jeff Dunham's Achmed the Dead Terrorist character, and his line, "Shut up ... I keeeeeel you?!?" Yeah, that's pretty much the conversation I'm going to have with Jesse's piano teacher the next time I see her.
No. 41
Adam's teacher replied on Facebook to the most recent Parenting Observation that she loooooves Adam, and he saw it. Today, he marched into class and announced to her that if she ever wanted to comment on another post about him, that she should keep it to herself.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
No. 40
We had Chinese food for lunch today, and sometimes, it does not agree with Adam. So after a lengthy trip to the facilities, he plops back down at the table, pats his belly and says in the best Yoda voice yet, "A great disturbance in the bathroom, there was."
No. 39
Adam tried to kill me tonight. Throwing him some batting practice tonight from just a few feet away, he hit me in the wrist. Then ... he lasered another line drive that hit me square on the forehead. I went down HARD, and still don't feel super swift. Anybody know what dain bramage feels like?!?
No. 38
Adam played baseball last night, and his second time at bat, he kept wiggling his front foot and tip-toeing it to the ground like some famous major leaguer. He would not stop. When I gave him a hard time about showing off after the game, he said, "But Dad ... I had to pee." Well ... OK, then.
No. 37
Jesse has lost his glasses ... I love my son ... I love my son ... I love my son ... can't find the darn things anywhere ... I love my son ... I love my son ... I love my son ... why am I looking in the freezer?!? ... I love my son ... I love my son ... Jeanie's fussin' ... I love my wife AND my son ... I love my wife AND my son ...
No. 36
As we were passing a local gas station, Adam and Jesse suddenly and earnestly start yelling, "Stop at the BP! Stop! Pleeeease stop!" When we asked why, Adam blurted, "So we can get a Mother's Day present for Mom!" It's one of those huge cards, and what it lacks in ... well ... monetary value is more than made up for by Adam and Jesse's sincerity!
No. 35
We've got a new video game, Portal 2. I went around in circles for an hour and always wound up where I started. I simply cannot figure out how to move to the next level. Adam took over and within 30 seconds, made it without a second thought. It wouldn't be quite so bad if he would quit talking smack as he ushers me even further into old age.
No. 34
Adam and Jesse love the TV show Survivor, so we've decided that I'm going to be a contestant. We've also put together a plan for me to be the first one voted off the island, at which point I will start screaming like a crazy person, punch everybody who voted for me and use my torch to set Tribal Council on fire. I'm ALL about setting a good example for my kids.
No. 33
April is Autism Awareness Month. Jesse has Asperger's, which is a mild form of the developmental disorder. He's not wired like most folks, adding a whole new element to being his dad. When he does something "wrong," is it because he's 10 or because he has Asperger's? Do we drop the hammer or give him a hug? It can be very frustrating, but I wouldn't have missed a minute of it.
No. 32
There's ALWAYS a fight between Jesse and Adam over who has to take a bath first. I ALWAYS settle it by telling them to pick a number between 1 and 100. Jesse was the first to figure out that it's ALWAYS 73 ... my high-school football number. For some strange reason, I don't think he cares as much about that as he does Adam hitting the tub ahead of him.
No. 31
I went for my usual Friday lunch with the boys, and a girl who has had a very noticeable crush on Adam asked if she could sit with us. I said, "Of course you can!" But when I turned and saw Adam, he had a look of pure panic. "Daaaaaad," he began, and I knew I was in trouble. "I've already asked ANOTHER girl to sit with us! What am I gonna do know?!?" Uhhhhhhhhhhhh ... sorry, son.
No. 30
So ... Jeanie looks over at me just now and asks, "Do you hear them farting in the tub?" Well, yes ... yes, I do. That one question probably best describes what it's like to live in our house.
No. 29
Jesse is making a totem pole for a class project. Animals represent family members. I'm a cow because I like milk. Adam is a hyena, for obvious reasons. Jeanie is a donkey, because, he says, in Bible times, the donkey was a very loyal pet. Far, far be it for me to suggest an alternate interpretation!!! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
No. 28
This morning, Adam was in the foulest of moods after staying up late to watch the Super Bowl last night. He decided that he wanted to quit school, so I asked what kind of job he would get as a fourth-grade dropout. With not a moment's hesitation, Adam replied, "I'll be a third-grade teacher." How's that for staying ahead of the curve?
No. 27
OK ... so Jesse's getting out of the tub and hollers that he needs a towel to dry himself off with. Jeanie and I look at each other and don't move. Jesse yells again. We don't move. Finally, Jeanie yells, "Just stand over the heat vent for a while!" Yep ... we're model parents.
No. 26
This is what it's like to be Jesse's dad. He finished third today in his school-wide spelling bee, behind a kid from the sixth grade and one from the fifth. That's especially impressive, considering the fact that I had to make a trip to school just before the spelling bee because he'd supposedly jammed an eraser in his ear.
No. 25
Oh, yeah ... with every passing second, The Talk is getting closer and closer. Jesse's "girlfriend" is now mad at him because everybody in their class knows about her note. On the way home from school today, Adam was trying to help Jesse with his predicament and said, "You need to listen to me, Jesse. I'm the Looooooooooooove Doctor!"
No. 24
One of the three Houston men currently living in my household got a love note today. It wasn't me. It wasn't Adam. HELLO, Jesse! Adam may be Mr. Casanova, but it's the strong silent types like me and Jesse that you've gotta look out for!!! Now ... read between the lines. The time is coming very, very soon for The Talk.
No. 23
OK ... so Jeanie and I are in Yadkinville this afternoon and the tornado sirens start blaring in town. It was raining all kinds of hard, but all I wanted to do was get to school to make sure Adam and particularly Jesse (who is horribly, terribly afraid of storms) were OK. I did not like that feeling, not one little bit.
No. 22
There's a big difference between being a father and being a daddy. Adam was as sick as Jeanie and I had ever seen him this week, and this is what he wanted me to do. Forget that I eventually got sick, too. This was well worth it.
No. 21
When the preacher asked me during our church service today if a son had ever fared better than his father in NASCAR, I answered Richard Petty. Adam immediately starts tugging at my sleeve, whispering, "Dad ... what about Dale Earnhardt? He did better than Ralph!" YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
No. 20
Adam and Jesse are BOTH in the AIG (Academically/Intelectually Gifted) progam at their school, and Richard graduated from high school second out of a class of 620 students. Therefore, it must be deduced that intelligence skips a generation on the father's side because I just ain't that smart.
No. 19
For all the bickering Adam and Jesse do, this is the memory that I want to take with me. Adam stops by Jesse's classroom every day after school to help him pack his books. Adam's teacher and class also left him behind by mistake the other day, because he was helping Jesse through a ..."crisis". THAT'S what it means to be brothers ...
No. 18
This afternoon while waiting to eat lunch with the boys, the baby sister of a girl in Jesse's class called me "PawPaw." Her mom explained that "PawPaw" is the little girl's GRANDFATHER. It's going to take me a while to recover from that one ...
No. 17
Adam happened to walk by the other day as I gave Jeanie the most innocent of kisses. Adam's response? "Go Dad ... go Dad ... go Dad!" Heaven help us when the hormones REALLY kick in on that kid.
No. 16
Last week, one of the kids walked off and left the water running in a sink that's stopped up. Yesterday, the toilet wouldn't flush properly, but Adam and Jesse both just kept right on ... well ... you know. You know those times when you're so angry you're speechless? It didn't hit the fan, because it was all in the ... never mind.
No. 15
Tonight was the last night of Vacation Bible School, and as always, the kids got on stage to sing the songs they learned this week. Honestly and truly, I thought two little girls were gonna come to blows trying to stand next to Adam. They were actually shoving and throwing elbows, the whole nine yards. Heaven help us ...
No. 14
Jesse LOVES the television show Wipeout, where contestants are basically beaten to a pulp for an hour. I'm not sure whether I'm more disturbed over that fact alone, or that Jesse tells me on an almost daily basis that I should try out for the show.
No. 13
Jeff Hoffman flew five times on the Space Shuttle. He was the first to log 1,000 hours on the Shuttle. He made a couple of spacewalks to repair the Hubble Space Telescope. When I told Adam that I'm going to be interviewing Dr. Hoffman, his only concern was whether or not the former astronaut knows Trevor Hoffman, the all-time saves leader in baseball.
No. 12
Jesse asked yesterday if he could get on the computer and look up something on Google. When I asked why, he said he was going to find out how to get in touch with George Lucas so he could ask what species Yoda is. Sniff ... sniff ... you just don't know if you're doing a good job as a parent and then he comes up with something like this.
No. 11
Adam and I both have sinus infections, so we've spent the afternoon in the doctor's office. Adam was NOT happy he was gonna have to get a shot until the doctor told him I was getting one, too. At that point, he broke into this wicked little grin and giggle ... the little jerk. The whole time, Jesse's standing there going, "I'm NOT the sick one ... I'm NOT the sick one!"
No. 10
Jesse is staying with Nanny and Papaw tonight. He's packing like he's moving out for good. Adam's jealous, and when I tried to cheer him up by telling him that at least he still gets to stay with me tonight, he said in no uncertain terms, "YOU'RE not Nanny." Ouch ...
No. 9
There's quite a debate going on around here concerning whether or not I fly or drive to Houston next month. For those of you who know me, you'll know that I would without a doubt rather drive. However, 1,100 miles is a LONG way. Jesse and Adam are both adamant that I drive. Jesse said, "If you fly, what if you run out of gas and have to crash land?" Thanks, Jesse. Thanks a lot.
No. 8
Adam is walking around the house singing "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner. First question ... where in the world has he heard that? Second ... anybody have any advice on how to lock him down once he becomes a hormone-crazed teenaged boy?
No. 7
With a child like Jesse, sometimes I just have to sit back, let him do his thing and then say something profound like, "Uhhhhhh ... wow." After his teacher told the class to design their very own invention, this is what Jesse came up with ...
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